It's Just So Bally Malaysian-lah!

THIS is another recent one:

A: Could you have my book ready by next month?
B: No, I can’t, I’m afraid. Your manuscript is so badly written that I will have to outsource it for a rewrite!
A: Oh dear! But I must have it ready by next month.
B: Perhaps you might like to consider sending your manuscript to one of those production or vanity publishing houses. Then you can have your book ready within a week. I do know of some places where you could get your book ready within a working day. The wonderful thing is, You don’t even have to edit it! Isn’t that mighty lovely?
A: That wouldn’t be legit. I really must have it by next month. You see, it’s my mama’s birthday [wedding anniversary, one’s birthday, take your pick] and I need the book to be ready by then!
B: Can’t you just buy a cake or something like most people?

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Another funny one:

A: Your manuscript is very badly written, you know.
B: I know.
A: Would you like to rewrite it?
B: It is not really my fault. It is the fault of the education system.

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This is not a recent one, but it has occupied my thoughts for years:

A: I write short stories. Do you publish short stories?
B: We will publish short stories as long as they are well written.
A: Will you publish mine?
B: I have read some of your stuff and I’m afraid they are not good enough. Perhaps you would like to improve on them; rewrite the old ones and write some new ones.
A: That’s the best I can do. You will have to rewrite them if you want them. Can’t you like pay someone to write for me. I don’t mind paying them.
B: That’s not the way it works.
A: Why not?

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