It's Just So Bally Malaysian-lah!
HERE’S a new one:
A: Oh, you publish books?
B: I guess so.
A: I write novels, stories, everything, in fact. You interested?
B: You planning to get them published?
A: I have an agent in Singapore, you know.
B: What’s his name?
A: I can’t really tell you.
B: I’m so bloody happy for you!
I overheard the following exchange recently:
A: Shall we launch a book as a public-relations exercise?
B: Sounds great. ... But we don’t have a book to launch!
A: Duh! ... Is that a problem or what?
B: I thought we need to write a book before we can launch one!
A: That shouldn’t be a problem. We could just launch a mock-up of the book. All we need is the cover. We can get the book written later!
One of my favourite all-time classics:
A: Here’s my manuscript. Could you get it ready by next week? I’ll will be going overseas. It will be great if I could have the book before I leave.
B: I’m afraid that’s not possible. It will take some time to get it edited.
A: No editing necessary. It is already perfect!
Here’s another gem:
A: My grandson has written a class assignment. Would you like to publish it?
B: How old is he?
A: Around ten, I think.
B: How many words is the manuscript?
A: Well, around 2,000 words, I think.
B: That’s not enough for a book, you know.
A: I am sure we could pad it up with lots of photos and perhaps launch it at one of the five-star hotels or something. Should be most fun!
B: Yeah, looks like a great idea. Let’s do it!
This is another recent one:
A: Could you have my book ready by next month?
B: No, I can’t, I’m afraid. Your manuscript is so badly written so much so that I will have to farm it out for a rewrite.
A: But I must have it ready by next month.
B: Then you might like to consider sending your manuscript to a production or typesetting house. Then you can have your book ready within a week. You don’t even have to edit it!
A: I really must have it by next month. You see, it’s my birthday and I need the book to be ready by then.
B: Can’t you just buy a cake or something?
Another funny one:
A: Your manuscript is very badly written, you know.
B: I know.
A: Would you be able to rewrite it?
B: It is not really my fault. It is the fault of the education system.